My reactions to God's plan

I heard an interesting bit of news today. The leading cause of heart attack and stroke has now been determined to be anxiety and constant worrying! This more than your genetics, age, lifestyle, etc. So, I think “Great- now I’m going to worry even more about worrying too much!” Anyone that knows me is probably pretty aware of my anxiety issues. For those of you who don’t – I’ll spill. I guess I’ve always been a bit high strung and serious in a way. I am my own worst enemy and critic. When I was a senior in college I had my first panic attack. I was sitting in French class – a day I will never forget – and everything got all fuzzy, the lights buzzed, the room swirled, my chest pounded. Then the most intense surge of fear overtook my body. I thought I was going insane and raced out of the classroom (I was never able to return to that class again!) That week I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I have come a long way since that horrifying experience. I can usually ward off an attack now unless I am asleep. But, the incessant voice in my head is still usually stammering on about what I should be doing or saying or thinking or being. In order to “fix” myself I have tried countless remedies. Therapy, medication, alcohol, yoga, running, meditation, acupuncture, reiki, massage, an assortment of self help books….you name it. I’m definitely not “fixed” but I am worlds away from where I was and becoming more comfortable with my issues and what I need to do to keep myself grounded and at peace. It’s a hard fight – I’m not going to lie. 

That being said - yesterday was a small victory for just being in the moment and going with the flow!  It was just one of those days when both the boys were off schedule. They both crashed hard late afternoon for a bit. By the time I got home from Bix at 6 (the last one L) it was 8pm and they were both seemingly tired. We started our normal sleep routine but after 30 minutes of the vest, CoCo was still wide awake and rambling on and on about who knows what – he was so happy and smiley just chatting away. Chaz was also just lying in bed awake. He told me “mom, I’m tired of laying down and trying to sleep” This is where the beauty of summer and being married to a school teacher comes into play. Instead of getting stressed and worrying about everyone being tired in the morning and trying to force them to sleep I just let them do their thing. Chaz came down to the living room with the rest of us and Cole danced like crazy for all of us between running and screaming about. They both laughed, ran, cuddled…whatever until about 11:30pm! Then within seconds of the first yawn and putting them down they were both snoring away. Pj and I both laughed when I suggested maybe this meant they would sleep in later tomorrow for him…although Cole did stay in bed until almost 8 which is very late for him. I did stay awake until about 1am to get my downtime in but it was so worth it!