A little bit nervous...

So, tomorrow I will be attending my first "Family Education Day" at University of Iowa Hospitials (where Cole goes for CF).  Last year we signed up but by this time we were on lock down and I wasn't stepping a foot in a hospital.  I even cancelled his clinic visit that month afraid we would come in contact with H1N1.  Anyway, this is my first time attending something like this and meeting all the other parents and caregivers of cf'ers at our clinic.  I'm nervous.  Nervous that I will hear something I don't want to hear, that all those people knowing what I fear and do on a daily basis will be enough to break me down, nervous I will realize I am not doing enough.  Just nervous.  It's stupid, but when something is so important to you, I think every detail and interaction makes you crazy.  At least it does me.  I'm very excited too!  For all the same reasons.  I can't wait to hear what all was said at the conference this year.  I can't wait to listen to the sisters from "The Power of Two" talk about their lives and finding the power to fight this disease.  I can't wait to hear more about chest therapy and lung inflammation treatments.  Mostly, I can't wait to be surrounded by people who get it....people who I don't have to explain a second of my thoughts and fears to.  People who can teach me and tell me what they have found useful in their lives.  People who maybe some how I can help or make feel stronger, better.  Lastly, I am sad.  Sad that there are that many people who know what this disease does.  Sad that there currently is no cure and that so many people's lives have been cut short because of it.  Sad because we will all leave there tomorrow and go home to our sick children, give them their breathing treatments, chest percussions and medications and still not have the ability to allow them to breathe like the rest of the world. 

Mostly, I am excited and hopeful.  Excited to make new friendships and connections...to find more souls who's paths are like mine.  To meet more people that one day I will stand with and celebrate the fact that our loved one's no longer have a death sentence from this horrid monster called cf.